Happy New Year, or is it?


The total number of days between Wednesday, December 9th, 2009 and Tuesday, December 31st, 2013 is1,483 days.

This is equal to exactly 4 years and 22 days.

This does not include the end date, so it’s accurate if you’re measuring your age in days, or the total days between the start and end date.  But if you want the duration of an event that includes both the starting date and the ending date, then it would actually be1,484 days.

1,483 days is equal to 211 weeks and 6 days.

The total time span from 2009-12-09 to 2013-12-31 is 35,592 hours

This is equivalent to2,135,520 minutes.

You can also convert 1,483 days to128,131,200 seconds.

Today is 12/31/2013 and 12/9/2009 is exactly 1483 days before today.

I was curious as to how many days have gone by since D-Day.  I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast this morning, but I can conger up D-Day like it was yesterday, although I rarely do.  That probably explains my lack of posting this year.  It has been quite some year.  Or years.  

As New Year’s Eve approaches, I look back on 2013 for a brief review.  Some of the momentous things that have happened:

1.  I stayed at my last job for more than a year and made a couple of really good friends

2.  I started a job in the field in which I trained and was educated but left when my first child was born, almost 20 years ago.

3.  I got engaged to my BF/xMM in April 2013.

4.  My youngest child started high school.

5.  BF’s xW got engaged to her BF.

Who would have thought this year would have turned out this way 1483 days ago.  Don’t get me wrong – there are still some big issues but the affair has receded in everyone’s minds.  In fact, BF’s mother who villified me, now calls me for my thoughts, tells me I am a good influence on her grandchildren and sends me birthday cards.  Ironically, she opted to close her Facebook account rather than ‘unfriend’ the xW because she didn’t want to “hurt her feelings.”  Hmmmmm, really?  I guess some things will continue to surprise me.

As for being engaged, I’m not interested in it.  We still live in different states, 3-4 hours apart.  He still has a shitty visitation schedule and is incapable of changing it, so at most, we have 3 consecutive evenings together before he or I have to make the drive/ride/flight.  It’s disruptive to my life, seeing my friends, and feels a bit alienating lately.  We’re trying to “figure it out” but in a few more years, it will have resolved itself when my younger kid leaves for college.  The bigger issue is his kids – they are not nice, not considerate, not polite, not decent and know how to play their parents and adults in their lives.  I am at the end of my rope; BF is close and their mother doesn’t really care what they do or who they do it with as long as it’s not with us.  Too bad for them.  I have offerred to take them to the theater, to the museums, to shows and concerts but they would rather play x-box or stalk on Instagram.  They have no friends and don’t care.  Their mother takes them nowhere, expects nothing of them and her BF talks about trade school for his own kids, which she now tells her own is good enough for them.  Poor BF.  How he agonizes over this.  While I don’t blame him, I told him – they didn’t become this way overnight.  They have had their entire lives to become this way – including pre-divorce, when the issues were already there.

As for the future – we never really know, do we?  We don’t have a wedding date set.  Why would we?  BF’s daughter shared with me that her mother bought a wedding dress the same week she got engaged but hasn’t told her BF.  Funny how she continues to prove me right:  she cares more about being married, than who she is married to.  Yet BF/xMM felt guilty when his marriage ended, yet his xW never said “I love you and you broke my heart.”  She said “No one has ever broken up with me before.”  She was posting bikini pictures on Match.com (a subscription paid for by her mother) 3 weeks after her birthday trip to the Carribean (when she couldn’t be happier!) and saying she thought a divorce was best until 2 weeks later, when she was bemoaning her dating pool of men 10+ years older than she and xMM’s pool of  late 20-early 30 somethings, when in reality it was only me – 6 years older than xW and 1 1/2 older than BF/xMM.  So she’s engaged to a guy who in jest holds a knife to his own son’s throat, yells at her kids and is happy to make her his 3rd wife.  He’s happy to no longer have to rent a shitty little apartment in a crappy neighborhood and hold down 2 jobs to pay child support to his 3 kids and soon to be grandchild of his eldest, unmarried, waitress daughter.  But he is only 7 years older than xW.  And he hasn’t hit her.  Yet.  No matter how attractive she tries to make her life, how thin she gets, whatever trips she takes, at no point would I ever have switched places with her.  She doesn’t seem to get that either.

So, as we usher in 2014, I’m pleasantly surprised at how this year has turned out, where I am 4 years later and for the first time in a long time, I’m whistful about saying good-bye to 2013, but happily looking forward to the future.





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7 Responses to “Happy New Year, or is it?”

  1. Recovering WS Says:

    I used to count the days as well. It felt like a triumph. It’s been exactly 850 days since D-day, and, more importantly, 829 days since I last responded to the Other Woman. 829 days since I told her to never contact me or my family again. Despite her many attempts to do so after that (including just 2 months ago), I’ve held firm in my convictions. 9/3 will always be a sad day for me (D-day). But I do hope that as more time goes by, it will become more and more in the rearview mirror. We don’t really talk about the affair any more, or “her”. We are content. We focus on “us” and no longer on “it”. This is why the days gone by matters. Good luck to you.

    • Susan Says:

      Thanks, Recovering. Funny – the days pass, time recedes. The adage that “time heals all wounds” is true, yet thinking about that time is like being hit in the face all over again. I don’t know why that is. I’m glad that you’ve moved on. I’m sorry that your OW can’t stop herself. I wonder what it is she’s missing, hoping to find or get from you. Closure? Peace? I hope she finds it in 2014 and that you keep moving in the path that makes you happy. 🙂

      • Recovering WS Says:

        How does one explain a sociopath and their motivations and actions? I think the answer is simple: I dumped her. And her ego can’t take it. I think it could be as simple as that. If I am to believe what she told me (and at this point, I cannot since she told me many lies), I was the first man to ever dump her. So it literally could just be that.

        But I know this now — I dodged a bullet

      • Susan Says:

        Recovering WS – I remember your story. And honestly, my xH is a sociopath so I know there is no appeasing them, ever. My xH also suffers from narcissistic personality disorder so it’s a double whammy. And interestingly, my BF’s xW said the same thing to him – that no one has ever broken up with her. Yet, she used that to move on (after torturing him with a messy, expensive divorce. Funny, she used to show up at the kids’ activities in skin tight jeans, with high heels, make up and her hair done hoping to make him feel badly about leaving, and it was all completely lost on him. Of couse she still behaves that way – 4 years later). Yes, you dodged a bullet. Ending the relationship with her undoubtedly pushed her over the edge. And I do know how engaging those kind of people can be. Just stinks that she still tries to contact you all this time later. For both of you.

  2. lwayswright Says:

    I just divorced my husband and a lot of it was due to his kids and their awfulness!!! Be careful there!!!

    • Susan Says:

      Lways – good to hear from you and sorry to hear your news. Yeah, the kid thing has me stymied. I love my BF but his kids . . . not so much. They’ve turned into racists, bigots and generally ugly (on the inside) people. Not really a good thing. I told BF that I was done. While I know he heard me, I dont’ think he “heard” me – not my sincerity, not my heart, not my promise. I had the opportunity to be with him this weekend – with him and his kids. And my choice was not to be with him. Makes me really wonder. Makes me appreciate our distance. Makes me glad that my home isn’t big enough to house everyone. Would really like to hear more from you. Please share when you can.

      • lwayswright Says:

        hey susan, sorry it has taken me so long to write back…ive been sick and working, ya know the realities of life. i am so sorry that things are the way they are for you. unlike you, i chose to ignore that little voice in my head that said “this is not going to end well” and married my guy. i can honestly say i was madly in love with him which was a downfall for me. i was willing to minimize my worth and my kids worth because i thought A. i could fix him and love his kids enough, and B i thought love was worth fighting for even to the detriment of my own self worth. his boys are still having trouble, beyond what a normal person can deal with, and in the end he lost them and our marriage. so, while it may hurt to be away from your love, if you can manage a relationship with him that doesnt involve you living with him until the boys are older and perhaps on their own i would recommend that. let me know how things go. my email is lorigumm50@gmail.com.

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